Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in russian_lynx's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, February 12th, 2008
6:26 pm	"last updated 61 weeks ago" Thats not as long as I thought. Oh well, my growing list of procrastination techniques has a new addition. This old thing. I haven't slept except for half an hour during physics, it is nap time. In the mean time. All old entries are blocked from viewing. Techno with a cello part = awesome. Oh yeah, and this thing : [1] Who are you?: [2] Are we friends?: [3] When and how did we meet?: [4] How have I affected you?: [5] What do you think of me?: [6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?: [7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?: [8] Do you love me?: [9] Have I ever hurt you?: [10] Would you hug me?: [11] Would you kiss me?: [12] Would you kill me?: [13] Are we close?: [14] Emotionally, what stands out?: [15] Do you wish I was cooler?: [16] On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?: [17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.: [18] Am I loveable?: [19] How long have you known me?: [20] Describe me in one word.: [21] What was your first impression?: [22] Do you still think that way about me now?: [23] What do you think my weakness is?: [24] Do you think I'll get married?: [25] What about me makes you happy?: [26] What about me makes you sad?: [27] What reminds you of me?: [28] What's something you would change about me?: [29] How well do you know me?: [30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?: [31] Do you think I would kill someone?: [32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?: Would you? 1. Give me your number ? 2. Have sex with me ? 3. Let me kiss you ? 4. Watch a movie with me ? 5. Have dinner with me ? 6. Drive me somewhere ? Anywhere ? 7. Take a shower with me ? 8. Be my bf/gf ? 9. Tell me you love me ? 10. Buy me a drink if I didnt have money ? 11. Take me home for the night ? 12. Would you let me sleep in your bed ? 13. Sing car kareoke with me ? 14. Re-post this for me to answer your questions ? 15. Do you think im attractive, beautiful, sexy, or hot ? 16. Do you like my style ? 17. Do you think im funny ? 18. Do you care about me ? 19. Would you dance with me ? 20. Would you sing happy birthday to me? 1. Where would we go on dates? 2. Who are three of your favorite bands/artists? 3. Do you drink/smoke?? 4. Do you like the beach? 5. If so...would you go with me late at night? 6. Do you like movies? 7. If so would you stay up and watch them with me all night? 8. If you were to take me out to a movie would we watch the movie? 9. If not what would we be doing? 10. Do you play an instrument? 11. If so...what? 12. Would you call me right after we saw each other to make sure I made it home alright? 13. How would you rate your hugs from 1-10? 14. Favorite body part on a gurl/guy? 15. What would you say is the best thing about yourself? 16. Do you have any reps (ie: heartbreaker, player, slut)? 17. Would you give me kisses just because? What Would You Do If: 1) I committed suicide: 2) I said I liked you: 3) I kissed you: 4) I lived next door to you: 5) I started smoking: 6) I stole something: 7) I was hospitalized: 8) I ran away from home: 9) I got into a fight and you weren't there: 10) If i ever made a move on you, would you go with it? If died tomorrow, you would never ever get a chance to see me ever again. [be honest] 01. What are 5 things you would want me to know before I died? 1 2 3 4 5 02. What would 5 questions be that you have been wanting to ask me? 1 2 3 4 5 03. If I died, would you come to my funeral? 04. If I died, would you cry? 05. If I died, would you forget me eventually? 06. If I died, what would be going through your head? 07. If I died, would you tell me you loved me before I died? 08. Would you mean it? 09. If I died, would you regret anything you said to me? 10. If I died, would you regret anything you said about me? 11. If I died, would you be wishing you told me something that you haven't already told me? 12. If I died, what would be your last memory of me? 13. If I died, what would you remember me by? 14. If I died tomorrow, I would want to know your true feelings about me. What are your complete feelings about me, up to this day? (past and present) Current Mood: groggy Current Music: Contradanza - The Planets (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
2:20 am	yay! <td> <table border="0" width="450" bgcolor="#000000"> Gnome Mage Gnomes are strange little things. Fascinated with gadgets and shiny things, gnomes are often plotting and planning - but are pretty smart, despite all the explosions. As a mage, you like blowing things up. Your favorite bit of technology is anything that goes, 'boom'. You live for that huge front-end KAPOW - but, after the dust has settled, you'll find yourself searching for something else to explode. Find out your real-life WoW race and class at QuizGalaxy.com </td> </table> (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 14th, 2005
6:11 pm	lol "http://russianlynx.tripod.com" <--- go there every single sticky note is something that i have to do this week, b4 monday. intersting things to look for in the picture 1.evidence of my tylenol dependecy 2. my cat 3. my "pep pills" (werthers) 4.my cello rosin 5. my sweet speakers 6. glasses i dont wear ive got too much to do (Comment on this)
3:01 am	not a rant but still funny most confusing thing ever happened, i fell asleep sunday night (nothing strange so far). then i woke up to the sounds of my cell phone, which i use as an alarm clock (wiht one alarm at 5:30 another at 5:45) so my phone woke me up, and i assumed that it was 5:30. so i get up and start having a shower (im a slave to routine). when i finish my shower i notice its actually 2:30 and that some asshole phoned me and woke me up, and i assumed it was my alarm clock. now normally this wouldnt be so bad, but i took 4 tylenols at around 10:30 so i was extremely confused from 10:30 till when i wne to bed at around 12:30, not to mention a friend said something that got me thinking. but i had the thinking capacity of a turnip, so i was VERy confused when i went to bed. so basically ive had a very surreal night, and felt bored enough to write it in here Current Mood: confused to an alarming degree (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 13th, 2005
3:00 am	A new direction im gonna start using my LJ for random rants about damm near everything, basically becuase the local newspaper isnt putting in my letters to the editor (bastards!) the rants will include everything from existance to why stupid people should be shot (not really, but close!) Current Mood: fuckin sexy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
7:27 pm	that really hurts This Is My Life, Rated Life: 5.4 Mind: 5.7 Body: 5.1 Spirit: 6.8 Friends/Family: 3.5 Love: 0 Finance: 6.9 Take the Rate My Life Quiz (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 25th, 2005
1:15 pm	in case theres anyone out there yay, new LJ update. dont have much to say, girls are hypocrites, i have a new philophy for life, and university is hard. new philosophy is "your unhappy cause your ugly" and its broughtme alot of stability. reading newspapers alot on the bus to school, and my god people are such idiots! and they make me way too angry, o well new alias is russian bear (Comment on this)
Monday, June 13th, 2005
10:20 pm	last livejournal entry, thought it was healthy, but it really isnt. just allows me to "wallow in self pity" which is very not cool. this will effectively kill fucked up eric becuase he will have nowhere to live anymore, hopefully he will wither and die and never darken my thoughts again. hope you all had fun reading me bearing my {messed up} soul. the facts are true but the emotions behind them displayed in this journal only come out when im super fucking tired. im really not that fucked up, just wallowing in self-pity. decided to stop. see you all in reality Eric Finlay ---Russian Lynx (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 9th, 2005
12:04 am	w00t calc test today, i completely fucked up the curve skethcing but w/e its all good. had ma cello lesson today, went well, told my teacher that i had worked every day since my last lesson, she was not very happy at all. work again tomorrow, and then agian friday. ugh working too much, bio is 2 days late = 40% off, its funny cause i findihed it yesterday, but forgot to bring it in. LOL. at work, the deep fryer filter slipped and took a chunk out of my thumb, i think its a sign i should quit or something like that. i dunno. cant wait till aftergrad, gonnabe sooo much fun gonna go to jaimes and the aquarium. gonna have fun at both, hopefully ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) Current Mood: energetic Current Music: cheese 5 batman (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 7th, 2005
12:03 am	lost you all know what this means, im having a bad day, so im writing in my journal again. its so great having a journal, except mine is exposed to the entire internet, its not that i mind, i just find it funny bearing my soul on a monthly basis. im just so tired, ive been working straight for the past 5 days and im wiped, i got my cello lesson. LOL. i promised my teacher i would have a good lesson this week. like hell thats gonna fucking happen, ive been working from 4- 11:30 or 3-11:30 every day since my lesson. its just a stress i dont need right now. at least work is improving, im actually making food now, rather than just heating nasty shit up. my burn is getting brutal, it looks like i should be on the set of cabin fever, seriously when the scab got scraped off at work by accident (that hurt) it looked like a worm had gone through it. hurts like a bitch. so much bio to do, gonna go to bed and wake up early to do it, like sarah advised. i dunno, i really wanna ask jem out, but i cant at the moment becuase i dnt have any free time right now, "wanna go see a movie/go to dinner sometime?" ya really fucking smooth i hate it when i get this tired, all the seld-confidence i have artificially created to prevent others from seeing how twisted and broken i really am evaporates leaving me depressed and self-hating. wanna share 2 things that haunt me when i try to go to sleep, 1 - when i i was in grade 9 (most guys at school had gone through puberty, i hadnt) i overheard my mom talking to her mom on the phone, heard her talking aobut going to a doctor so that i could get drugs to induce purbery. since that was already a bad year (Severe bullying god i hope graham perkins dies) and i was worried about it before my mom mentioned it, it really fucked me up, made me feel...completely unwanted and useless , completely destroyed me when i found out it was my dad who first brought it up. 2 - lets just say, there are two crimes in canada that the state will press charges on even if the victim doesnt, i know someone who has commited one of those crimes (state didnt know so no punishment), and i dont know any murderers. -------------------- who am i? am i this twisted and completely useless fat kid writing in a pathetic journal only read by others for sick amusement who knows that when around people i am pleasant, kind, and caring. or am i that self-confident, kind, person at school who knows its an act and that when alone there is nothing preventing the demons from being released. i honestly believe that under it all, at my most basic form, i am akind, generouse person who only wants to see others happy, but there are too many things caging that person that he is artificially created too keep others from seeing the twisted hatred. only one person somehow manages to see past every single facade, every act, every facke act to the intention and motivation behind, i honestlly believe sarah is pyschic, and im extremely lucky to have her as a friend. ------------- o well that enough for one night, gotta do my bio, this has been part one of "secrets that i havent told hardly anyone" -for part two tune in next time im depressed (prob after after-grad when im hung over) when i reveal in greater detail the effects of my dad being a jackass, and leaving without saying even goodbye. i know i hate him, but my father not saying goodbye when he moved out (said goodbye to bro, mom) made me feel, i dunno, useless, unwanted, pathetic, a failiure, a nothing. dont worry this eric will not be at school tomorrow, it will be happy eric who wont let anyone in by pretending nothings wrong, if any of this is mentioned he will say "o ya, i was so tired, it was a hard day at work," and any other excuse that he can think up on the fly. am i sane now, or at school? is it just opposite end of the same personality, or two peronalities that hate each other's existance? should i contact some form of counsellor? of all my posts im having trouble actually hitting the update button on this one...most person secret i have is in it, o well, who cares, half the people who read it wont be able to understand what i am accusing who of Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Unwell - Matchbox 20 (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 12th, 2005
11:08 pm	hooray havent updated in a while, kinda busy, kinda lazy :P. Just got accepted into SFU, makes me happy. Got a solo in Kiwanis competition tomorrow, i suck so much on the cello right now, im way too lazy to practice and my playing has just plummeted, makes me feel shitty but o well. tthinking of asking a girl out soon, not gonna say who, gonna try to work out and lose some weight first, so that im so sexy :D. remeber nick i lose the weight you lose the hate :D. o well, thats all thats knew, gonna tutor carly again this weekend, itll be fun, usually improves my mark by a couple percent. feel really sick gonna go to bed really soon....feel so shitty. Wish me luck in orchestra competition tomorrow, hope i dont completly fuck up :P. is it supremely arrogant of me to think there are three girls who might say yes if i asked them out? will any of them be offended if they read this? or all three of them just talking to me out of pity? asuming they would all say yes who would i ask out? the previous questions are demonstrating my personality traits (most of them) 1. Lack of Confidence 2. Doubt 3. Self-hate 4. Arrogance/Hope Im a mess, but ive grown to accept it and incorporate into myself so that i am not the person i am today if i wasnt filled with crushing doubt, hate, anger, and depression. maybe im over it all and i can finally be happy? you what is true happiness for me? being with someone, hanging out with friends or going with a girl and knowing in my heart/soul that they do not resent my presence. Current Mood: sick Current Music: Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
6:33 pm	Everybody take a moment and hope for Kurt to come back to Handsworth the man he left it. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
11:39 pm	4:20 we all know what this means right? o well i ddnt get high 2 day but i did chug two redbulls right after each other....im so stressed/tired/paraniod... got two more redbulls to finish the allngihter :D MY MIND HURTS (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 11th, 2005
4:46 pm	yay ive given a lot of though, usually when im trying to fall asleep and ive come to the folowing conclusion, i know that some of you are worried that im suicidal, and i just wanna say i probably am, im not a pychiatrist so i dont knwo, what i do know is that thats what i think about when im going to sleep, which is also why when i write on livejournal at 2am its always about how depressed i am :(. but thinking about it i have decidied one thing, if i ever do kill myself or plan on it, my suicide note will be on livejournal. i probably wont couase i dont have the balls, im just lettin anyone who cares know that you dont have to worry until i put in a journal entry titled "goodbye" or some shit like that. Current Mood: creative Current Music: kryptonite - 3 dorrs down (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, April 8th, 2005
3:12 pm	oooh, ouch last entry so depressing, O Well that was at what 2 in the morning after finding out im nearly failing chem? ouch feeling way better now, school always makes me feel better. Current Mood: chipper (Comment on this)
12:08 am	just found out i got 46% on my last chem quiz, 57.6% on the term so far. failed calc test, currently at 50%. those are my two favourite courses, and im failing, if im not even good at what i enjoy, what is there left for me to do anywhere? fuck cello, i dont have the self-determination or skill to find any real joy in it, it just brings stress and dissapointment.. theres nothing out there for me, anywhere, im fat, ugly , depressed, and of average intelligence with no real skills to offer, and nothing to add to the world except pain and sadness theres nothing but pain, sadness, and lies. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 5th, 2005
4:23 pm	drunk party! k, thursday at andrew's house there was a cool party, it started at handsworth with a beer mile, then moved to andrews house. the best part was mike goodrich, this kid had 16 beers and was drunk and stoned out of his mind! so he got horny and started chasing a new friend (kinda) of mine, Mel. basically everyone tried to keep them apart becuase mike was crazy horny i think and mel was too drunk to defend herself reliably. basically it ended with him sliding facefirst down the stairs and him getting walked home in the rain... well off to pop more pills (advil and tylenol or my friends, especially when used together) fucking ankle Current Mood: in pain Current Music: kryptonite (Comment on this)
4:18 pm	ow sprained my ankle falling down the stairs, have to study for chem, practice cello, and keep the rising darkness from consuming my soul. Current Mood: unknown Current Music: who cares? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, March 28th, 2005
12:20 am	also found out that two of my best friends regularily read this journal. this message is to you guys! 1. leave comments, please i like knowing what ppl think of my ranting. 2. this journal is an outlet for the darkest parts of my soul, and i have bourne my soul at least 3 times on this journal, this is not my state of mind most of the time, it is simple a place for me to say the things that i am unable to say to people, and i dont have any friends who i would feel comfortable enough to say these things to personally, so i use the journal. p.s. im listening to a sick song right now =D Current Mood: crazy Current Music: glavanise - Chemical Brothers (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
8:10 pm	okok we all know i usually just bitch right? lets assume i just bitched for half a page and ill get on with whats new. im practising the cello again, sleeping late, playing way to much WoW.. if you wanna find me on there im an Azgalor server name: Russlynx. cello lesson 2day went well i hadnt practised in about 1 month and ya, i have a performance in 3 weeks, it really sucks all in all, but im gonna practise my fucking ass off unil im the best out there!!!, or until i can play and not sound like shit :P Current Music: Holiday (Comment on this)